2011年3月9日 星期三

The most terrible night in my life.


Every time I see my scar on my leg, I cannot but tremble. The scar was made in a windy night. That night, my mom cooked in the kitchen as usual and then my family had dinner with pleasure. We talked a lot about our future and shared our dreams. ”Ding-dong!” ”Ding-dong!” our bell rang and my father went to open the door. About five minutes later, my mom and I felt confused because we didn’t hear any voice after my father went to open the door. Then we went to the door to see who was coming. What we saw there was three thieves and my father had already passed out. Mom was so afraid that she screamed stridently. This way caused one of the thieves to notice us, and soon we were captured by him with a gun. The thief asked my mom to give him 100, 0000 at once or he would kill we family, then he had my mom to take out the money. As soon as my mom went to take the money, she secretly called the office. However, what she did was found by a fat thief and he was so nervous and angry that he took out his gun and shot to my mom. Immediately I ran to my mom and blocked the bullet. Luckily, the offices came at once and arrested the three thieves. I think I will never forget that terrible night.

8 則留言:

  1. 100, 0000可能要加dollars喔
    had my mom to take out had後面不用加to
    nervous改panic應該會更好一些
    最後一句我不確定是不是要用過去式...
    文章內容很有想像力唷!!!:D

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  2. 1.our bell rang and my father went to open the door. Our 要大寫八~
    2.Then we went to the door to see who was coming.可以改成Then we went to the door to see who had come.
    3.What we saw there was three thieves and my father had already passed out.
    →~and my father having already passed out.
    或~and my father who had already passed out.
    4. The thief asked my mom to give him 100, 0000 at once or he would kill we family, then he had my mom to take out the money. 沒連接詞喔!

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  3. the offices ? the police吧
    had後面接原V
    是our family
    100, 0000後面要加dollars

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  4. he would kill we family 改成 he would kill all of us 比較順吧!

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  5. The thief asked my mom to give him 100, 0000 at once or he would kill we family
    or前面應該要有逗號
    The thief asked my mom to give him 100, 0000 at once or he would kill we family,then he had my mom to take out the money. then是副詞,這樣子需要連接詞and
    offices→officers警察有r

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  6. passed out 你應該是要打過世吧!! 所以應該是passed away!!
    we family 是要用所有格 our
    你擋下了子彈,然後就沒有下文了!!

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  7. who was coming要不要變who came
    coming好像是正在來欸???
    實際上已經到了不是嗎???

    錢後面+dollars

    第13句he would kill we family
    we變our吧???

    倒數第二句the offices應該是the police哦!

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  8. 100, 0000 記得加dollars,其他如上=ˇ=
    其實我也以為妳要打妳爸死了..

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